Chapter 2 of COVID-19 Coffee Survival Guide

Wake Up And Get Coffee Fresh!

Now that you understand freshness as it pertains to coffee beans (3-14 days from its BIRTH DATE or Roast date, and only buy enough to last a week) . This will give us a good starting point because we finally have some quality ingredients. Some other questions you might have:

  • What country should I buy from?
  • What colour bean should I be searching for?
  • Is there a specific brand?

How to Choose the Right Coffee for your Home?

My tip for you is to buy coffee for taste that appeals to you, try to refrain from using cliche words like bold, smooth, dark or light. Unfortunately, these are marketing words, not taste descriptors, and offer limited assistance when trying to find a good cup of coffee. Think of it in a culinary sense. Could you order a beef steak “bold steak” or a “smooth steak”? No, that sounds ridiculous! Smooth is a texture, not a taste! ... Ordering a smooth steak is like saying you want a slippery cup of coffee! Essentially ask yourself if the coffee you are ordering passes the beef steak test?

Yet so called coffee connoisseurs toss these words around confidently like they mean something.

How NOT To Order Coffee

Just STOP using these vague words. And for god sakes, stop ordering your coffee by colour, country and brand. If you like dark roasts then you like the taste of charcoal, ash trays, and forest fires.. because that is what you are drinking. And don't even try to tell me those smell like coffee because the coffee I have in my cupboard does not smell like that.

Basically most people have been fooled into buying and drinking burnt, ashy coffee, which is largely why the people who don't drink coffee hate the flavour.

This is why I say you have been in the coffee matrix. You think you have been living this life as a sophisticated coffee consumer with your rich, smooth, dark roasts when in fact, you have been fed some sort of biofuel nutrient through your umbilical cord while you writhe in your tank of ooze plugged into the matrix. (There is no spoon).

So wake up .. Get up Keanu, and unplug those tubes! ... It's all fake.. WAKE UP KEANU... WAKE UP!  


  • Intro
  • Chapter 1

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